The Shortest Story

• • Supposedly, Hemingway once won a bet that he couldn't write a story in less than ten words. He wrote, "For sale: Baby shoes, never worn."
    
    Wired Magazine challenged modern writers to do the same:
    
    Failed SAT. Lost scholarship. Invented rocket.
    - William Shatner
    
    Computer, did we bring batteries? Computer?
    - Eileen Gunn
    
    Vacuum collision. Orbits diverge. Farewell, love.
    - David Brin
    
    Gown removed carelessly. Head, less so.
    - Joss Whedon
    
    Automobile warranty expires. So does engine.
    - Stan Lee
    
    Machine. Unexpectedly, I’d invented a time
    - Alan Moore
    
    Longed for him. Got him. Shit.
    - Margaret Atwood
    
    His penis snapped off; he’s pregnant!
    - Rudy Rucker
    
    From torched skyscrapers, men grew wings.
    - Gregory Maguire
    
    Internet “wakes up?” Ridicu -
    no carrier.
    - Charles Stross
    
    With bloody hands, I say good-bye.
    - Frank Miller
    
    Wasted day. Wasted life. Dessert, please.
    - Steven Meretzky
    
    “Cellar?” “Gate to, uh … hell, actually.”
    - Ronald D. Moore
    
    Epitaph: Foolish humans, never escaped Earth.
    - Vernor Vinge
    
    It cost too much, staying human.
    - Bruce Sterling
    
    We kissed. She melted. Mop please!
    - James Patrick Kelly
    
    It’s behind you! Hurry before it
    - Rockne S. O’Bannon
    
    I’m your future, child. Don’t cry.
    - Stephen Baxter
    
    1940: Young Hitler! Such a cantor!
    - Michael Moorcock
    
    Lie detector eyeglasses perfected: Civilization collapses.
    - Richard Powers
    
    I’m dead. I’ve missed you. Kiss … ?
    - Neil Gaiman
    
    The baby’s blood type? Human, mostly.
    - Orson Scott Card
    
    Kirby had never eaten toes before.
    - Kevin Smith
    
    Rained, rained, rained, and never stopped.
    - Howard Waldrop
    
    To save humankind he died again.
    - Ben Bova
    
    We went solar; sun went nova.
    - Ken MacLeod
    
    Husband, transgenic mistress; wife: “You cow!”
    - Paul Di Filippo
    
    “I couldn’t believe she’d shoot me.”
    - Howard Chaykin
    
    Don’t marry her. Buy a house.
    - Stephen R. Donaldson
    
    Broken heart, 45, WLTM disabled man.
    - Mark Millar
    
    TIME MACHINE REACHES FUTURE!!! … nobody there …
    - Harry Harrison
    
    Tick tock tick tock tick tick.
    - Neal Stephenson
    
    Easy. Just touch the match to
    - Ursula K. Le Guin
    
    New genes demand expression -- third eye.
    - Greg Bear
    
    K.I.A. Baghdad, Aged 18 - Closed Casket
    - Richard K. Morgan
    
    WORLD'S END. Sic transit gloria Monday.
    - Gregory Benford
    
    Epitaph: He shouldn't have fed it.
    - Brian Herbert
    
    Batman Sues Batsignal: Demands Trademark Royalties.
    - Cory Doctorow
    
    Heaven falls. Details at eleven.
    - Robert Jordan
    
    Bush told the truth. Hell froze.
    - William Gibson
    
    whorl. Help! I'm caught in a time
    - Darren Aronofsky and Ari Handel
    
    Nevertheless, he tried a third time.
    - James P. Blaylock
    
    God to Earth: “Cry more, noobs!”
    - Marc Laidlaw
    
    Help! Trapped in a text adventure!
    - Marc Laidlaw
    
    Thought I was right. I wasn't.
    - Graeme Gibson
    
    Lost, then found. Too bad.
    - Graeme Gibson
    
    Three to Iraq. One came back.
    - Graeme Gibson
    
    Rapture postponed. Ark demanded! Which one?
    - David Brin
    
    Dinosaurs return. Want their oil back.
    - David Brin
    
    Bang postponed. Not Big enough. Reboot.
    - David Brin
    
    Temporal recursion. I'm dad and mom?
    - David Brin
    
    Time Avenger's mistaken! It wasn't me...
    - David Brin
    
    Democracy postponed. Whence franchise? Ask Diebold...
    - David Brin
    
    Cyborg seeks egg donor, object ___.
    - David Brin
    
    Deadline postponed. Five words enough...?
    - David Brin
    
    Metrosexuals notwithstanding, quiche still lacks something.
    - David Brin
    
    Brevity’s virtue? Wired saves adspace. Subscribe!
    - David Brin
    
    Death postponed. Metastasized cells got organized.
    - David Brin
    
    Microsoft gave us Word. Fiat lux?
    - David Brin
    
    Mind of its own. Damn lawnmower.
    - David Brin
    
    Singularity postponed. Datum missing. Query Godoogle?
    - David Brin
    
    Please, this is everything, I swear.
    - Orson Scott Card
    
    I saw, darling, but do lie.
    - Orson Scott Card
    
    Osama’s time machine: President Gore concerned.
    - Charles Stross
    
    Sum of all fears: AND patented.
    - Charles Stross
    
    Ships fire; princess weeps, between stars.
    - Charles Stross
    
    Mozilla devastates Redmond, Google’s nuke implicated.
    - Charles Stross
    
    Will this do (lazy writer asked)?
    - Ken MacLeod
    
    Cryonics: Disney thawed. Mickey gnawed. Omigawd.
    - Eileen Gunn
    
    WIRED stimulates the planet: Utopia blossoms!
    - Paul Di Filippo
    
    Clones demand rights: second Emancipation Proclamation.
    - Paul Di Filippo
    
    MUD avatars rebel: virtual Independence Day.
    - Paul Di Filippo
    
    We crossed the border; they killed us.
    - Howard Waldrop
    
    H-bombs dropped; we all died.
    - Howard Waldrop
    
    Your house is mine: soft revolution.
    - Howard Waldrop
    
    Warskiing; log; prop in face.
    - Howard Waldrop
    
    The Axis in WWII: haiku! Gesundheit.
    - Howard Waldrop
    
    Salinger story: three koans in fountain.
    - Howard Waldrop
    
    Finally, he had no more words.
    - Gregory Maguire
    
    There were only six words left.
    - Gregory Maguire
    
    In the beginning was the word.
    - Gregory Maguire
    
    Commas, see, add, like, nada, okay?
    - Gregory Maguire
    
    Weeping, Bush misheard Cheney’s deathbed advice.
    - Gregory Maguire
    
    Corpse parts missing. Doctor buys yacht.
    - Margaret Atwood
    
    Starlet sex scandal. Giant squid involved.
    - Margaret Atwood
    
    He read his obituary with confusion.
    - Steven Meretzky
    
    Time traveler's thought: "What's the password?"
    - Steven Meretzky
    
    I win lottery. Sun goes nova.
    - Steven Meretzky
    
    Steve ignores editor's word limit and
    - Steven Meretzky
    
    Leia: "Baby's yours." Luke: "Bad news…"
    - Steven Meretzky
    
    Parallel universe. Bush, destitute, joins army.
    - Steven Meretzky
    
    Dorothy: "Fuck it, I'll stay here."
    - Steven Meretzky